How to win an argument with a dog: Yell
How to win an argument with a cat:
Begin with a standard ontological argument, such as Gödel’s Theorum.
Open with Definition 1: x is God-like iff x has as essential properties those and only those properties which are positive
Your cat will likely counter that no definition of the notion of “positive property” is supplied with the proof. At most, the various axioms which involve this concept can be taken to provide a partial implicit definition.
Ignore this interruption and continue with Definitions 2 and 3.
Your cat will yawn to discourage you and remind you that if a property belongs to the set, then its negation does not belong to the set.
Now is your opportunity to win. Quickly throw a Q-Tip into a grocery bag and run away
Our cuzzin Jeff came over yesterday with more treats and gave dis joke to mom...
He had some bad news, he has esophogeal cancer! Mom is furry worried about him, he goes fur surjeree Friday and she's gonna be der. Da doctors say dat it's very curable as he cawt it furry early, but mom hates dat C word. She lost frends and fambly to it and Punkin, da one dat came afore. Here's the thing, Jeff never ever smoked, in fact he's a trumpet player and smoking would make it hard fur him to play. He said his voice got horse and he had a constant tickle in his throat fur about a week so he went to da doctor thinking it was alerjees and dey could give him something fur it. When dey said it was cancer he gots scared, but den he talked to an oncologist and he was furry positive dat it could be gotten rid of. Now, mom knows dat he came over because he needs someone to be there with him, but, he, being a male, wouldn't just come out and ask. Jeff is scared of general anestetik, he lost a brofur who din't wake up and thinks dat if dey knock him out he'll die too. So, dey is gonna do it by numming his throat and removing it! Mom is sure dat he is gonna need help after da surjeree and prolly while dey is doing his radiation and chemo and she is lining up da rest of da fambly to help out. His sister is coming up from Florida to stay with him...mom is furry sad now, we hafta go lay on her.