Sunday, January 30, 2011

Mom has a sad...

Jeff
October 1957 - January 2011
Cousin Jeff, supplier of cheezy treats, maker of fancy boxes...friend. We'll miss you truly, deeply, madly.

When I was 20 months old Jeff was born, he was the first baby I ever held (with the help of his mom of course). I was smitten. When we were kids we spent hours, days, weeks and sometimes even a month together running around like lunatics. We spent most of our time trying to kill ourselves, okay, not really, but it must have seemed that way to our parents. From jumping off barn roofs to rolling down huge hills in truck tires. Riding dirt bikes to motorcycles...and anything in between. Jeff had an instinct for building things. When he was 10 and I was 12 we built a tree fort, it was the nicest tree fort in the world. Two floors, with a killer view, a solid roof and benches. If you look at that picture up there, he built that, all of it. It was his home. As his 8 brothers and sisters and my brothers and sisters came along our "gang" got bigger. If our family got together we became an army, an unstoppable army of 16 kids ranging in age from 16 to 8, with the same goal, to have a good time and not leave until every one of us had bruises and panicky parents. As we grew older and *snicker* matured, so did our relationship. We were like brother and sister who truly like each other. I used to speak of him regularly on this blog but not in the last couple years. He had esophageal cancer. I, his brothers and sisters and many neighbors used to help him and his wife when he became very sick. In the last years of his life his wife shut out all but her children. I'll always regret that I did not get to say goodbye and that not only wasn't I welcome (made very clear) at his funeral, but none of his family was either. She read this blog (and I hope she still is), so, to her I say...material things were not Jeff's passion. Yes, he loved "The Boss" and his old Kawasaki and so many other things. But, when he spoke of them he remembered how he threw me off when doing a wheelie and when he came back, thinking I'd broken something because I didn't get up, I was laughing so hard I could hardly breath. Or how he taught me to re-build a carburetor on his old car and almost wet his pants because I had wiped my greasy hands off on my pants and left two perfect hand prints on my butt. I'm sure there were lots of other memories made with lots of friends that went with all of his "stuff". That is why he loved these things, they were memories. Memories of friends, good times and working with his own two hands. What 'Grampa O' has is his to do with as he wishes and no matter who it goes to be assured they would share with you. For God's sake, the man isn't anywhere near dead yet! When you wake from this nightmare and see you need help, remember, we are still here. We still love you because Jeff loved you, this will never change. 

34 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

My heartfelt and sincere sympathies. My Grandfather passed last year and my Mom's brothers and sisters have done nothing but fight and embezzle from the estate. That's no way to honor the dead. Remember the good times, and visit Jeff in your memories as often as you like.
Love, Trish

Angel and Kirby said...

I am so sorry to hear about Jeff. I can tell by your words how you loved him and respected him. It is a shame that you were excluded from his last years. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sparkle the Designer Cat said...

I am so, so sorry, especially that you were not able to be there for Jeff at the end. You are in my thoughts tonight.

Chesney Cats said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sometimes people don't realize the hurt they cause to the rest of the family by turning them away during the bad times. I'm sure your cousin Jeff knew how very much you loved him.

Sending you my deepest sympathy & lots of hugs.

d'Artagnan Rumblepurr said...

Oh my friends, I am so sorry for your loss.

Us4 Cats said...

we sends purrs for your loss .

Mumsy, Chancy and Company said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your friend Jeff. Hugs

Brian said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your friend Jeff, purrs and hugs to you.

Daisy said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, Jeff. Soft purrs to you during this sad time.

Kea said...

We are deeply sorry for Jeff's passing and all the negative energy that seems to be surrounding this. Sorry, too, that you were denied the closure of saying goodbye.

Our mom's mom just went through this with her oldest friend who passed at the beginning of January of pancreatic cancer--her daughter refused to allow anyone who loved her mother near, wouldn't return phone calls, and so no one had the opportunity to give Sheilah a kiss, tell her they loved her. It was an unspeakably cruel and selfish act, we think.

So we are sending you all Light and purrs and hope that in time, your memories will comfort you.

The Meezers or Billy said...

I am so very very sorry for your loss- and for all of the pain that has been going on in the years before. We are sending you many {{HUGS}} and purrrrsssssss from The Boyz.

Mary

OKcats said...

I'm very sorry for your loss, and equally as sorry that you have to deal with drama instead of being able to grieve. I guess one of the benefits of a very small family is that we don't seem to have those issues, and I'm thankful for that. The girls send their purrs.

Jana (and Fuzzy and Zoe)

Eric and Flynn said...

We are very sorry for the loss of your cousin Jeff. We remember reading about him here in the past. We are so sad that you were unable to offer him comfort towards the end of his life and were unable to say your goodbyes. You are in our thoughts. We send comforting purrs, and mum sends (((hugs))).

Max said...

Aw man, I'm really sorry. I wish you'd been able to go say goodbye, but even if you say it now, he's gonna hear. The important stuff gets through, I think...

Jan's Funny Farm said...

What a beautiful tribute and memories of someone you obviously loved very much. It's beyond sad his friends and family were excluded from the last years of his life. Reliving those happy times with those involved would have probably been a comfort to him. Hugs, purrs and tail wags.

Ayla, Iza, and Marley said...

I am so very sorry at the loss of such a friend. I lost my Mother and a Sister last year and I was very close to both of them. Not just as family; I would have liked them both as neighbors and friends.

You have wonderful memories of Jeff. You may want to write them out more fully for personal remembrance. Not that you would forget, but rather that the exercise of writing is cathartic.

It helped me with the loss of Mom and Jennifer (and cats), it may help you as well.

I will also add that I am my Father's Executor. I only mention that because of your sad experience regarding the funeral. I will make sure to include EVERYONE. No one who cares about a person should ever be "unwelcome" at that last day. Regardless of if some person is disliked by others, if the deceased mattered to them, they should be allowed to witness the event and speak their good memories...

Goldie, Shade and Banshee said...

We are so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. It is so sad you were not able to be with him in his final years. I am sure you were visiting him in his memories.

Purrs of comfort to you all.

Angus Mhor said...

I'm so sorry you've lost a good friend. And for his family, who must be hurting, as you are. I don't know why people shut others out when a close loved one becomes terminally ill. I've seen several examples of this just recently. It's so hard to be on either side of the situation. Many purrs!

ABBY said...

We do remember your past posts about Jeff and we remember when you said he first got sick. We are so sorry to hear of this tremendous loss. We hope with time that your heart heals and that you always hold dear those precious memories.

purrin
xoxox

MoMo said...

It is sad when an old friend leaves and always worse when you can't be there to say good bye. At least you have fond memories to dwell on.

Soft purrs and <> to your mom.

Thanks for coming by and purring for me. Always good to see old furriends.

Harry Spotter said...

We are sorry fo your loss. What a beautiful tribute. OUr thoughts, purrs and prayers are with you.

The Furry Bambinos said...

What a lovely tribute to your cousin. May your memories provide some comfort to you. Sending purrs your way.

The Island Cats said...

We are so sorry for your loss...

Mr. Hendrix said...

((hugs)) we are so sorry for the loss of your cousin and even his wife.

Jeff knew you loved him and took that love and those happy memories with him when he passed so you shouldn't have regrets. He is always in your heart.

Pierro said...

Critical sickness in families can sometimes mentally and physically wear some people down and cause anger and bitterness about the littlest things. It is quite common. I hope that a few gentle souls in your family can somehow break through this curtain of despair. Perhaps have a memorial luncheon, picnic in the park, or just a gathering at one home - something like a family reunion... to reunite all of you.

I am praying for Jeff's wife. I hope her heart heals. Jeff was, it appears, an extremely gifted and spirited man. I am sorry you could not give him a hug and a kiss before he went to be with the Lord.

You have photos and very very good memories. Never let those go, and do not allow your heart to harden.
You are loved. And... you know that Jeff had memories too, good memories.


love and bonks

Amy and The House of Cats said...

We are so behing - we are so so sorry about your loss of your cousin Jeff. We are sending you lots of comforting purrs and prayers!

Forty Paws said...

We are so sorry to hear about the passing of Jeff. You are in our thoughts and prayers. And we are sending hugs and purrs to you as well.

Luf, Us and Maw

Cory said...

We are so very sorry for your loss.

I wanted to come by and thank you for helping me celebrate my Gotcha Day.

Purrs,

Nigel

KnottedFingers said...

I found you through the Cat Blogosphere and I am so so sorry for your loss. Please know we are here for you in thoguths and prayers

Samantha, Clementine and Maverick said...

We are so sorry to hear about your sad loss of Jeff!! You are in our purrrs and prayers!!(((((HUGGGGSSSS)))) from your TX furiends,

meowmeowmans said...

We are so sorry for your loss. You are in our thoughts, purrs and prayers.

Ariel said...

My deepest condolence for your loss...Hugs

Gracie =^o.o^= said...

I am so sorry for you loss of Jeff. As much as it hurts now he is near to you in your thoughts and in your heart. No one can take that away from you, especially a relative that made a difficult situation more difficult. Some day you will see Jeff and you will be able to tell him how you feel, though I have a feeling that he know how much you love him.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Awww. We just read this and are giving big hugs to you. Hope you can feel it all da way ofur dare in Whiskerconsin. Memories last forever and you'll always have that. It's sad that you and your family where shut out. Some people like to entomb themselves instead of reaching out when that's what they needed the most. Hopefully she will reach out when the pain starts to ebb and you can all heal together.
Don't worry - we will see our closest friends and family again and again. I believe that with my whole heart.

Brenda